Feedback is only helpful when it’s clear, growth-fostering, and actionable.

We often meet managers who feel frustrated or impatient with their teams, convinced that their feedback is being ignored. But when we dig deeper into what was actually said, the feedback is often vague, layered with bias, or confusing. This leaves everyone unsure of what to do next. Unclear feedback stalls growth—not only for the employee, but also for the leader. And when feedback carries bias, it doesn’t inspire growth at all; it leaves people feeling diminished rather than valued.

For example:

📉 Poor Feedback:
“You’re very passionate when you speak about equity issues, but sometimes it comes across as too intense. Try to tone it down so you get better buy-in and folks don’t feel uncomfortable.”

At first glance, this sounds like helpful guidance to improve how ideas land. But through a relational lens, the problems are clear:

Passion is framed as a liability instead of expertise.
The word “intense” is vague, subjective, and often tied to racialized stereotypes (e.g., “angry Black woman”).
Responsibility for other people’s discomfort is shifted onto the employee.

The impact? The employee self-censors, disengages, and the organization loses out on valuable insights. The team defaults to the status quo rather than adapting to different ways of working. Trust between manager and employee erodes.

📈 Better Relational Feedback:
“In yesterday’s meeting, you raised important points about how our new policy might create barriers for people of color. That perspective is crucial, and I want to ensure it’s heard. To help the group take in your ideas more fully, try framing your input with one concrete example and a suggested solution. For instance, you could say, ‘One concern I see is X, which may lead to racial inequity. A way to address this could be Y.’ I’ll also support your perspective by pausing the group to reflect on what you’ve shared so it isn’t overlooked.”

Here’s what shifts in this approach:

The employee’s contribution is affirmed as essential.
The feedback provides a clear, growth-oriented skill (pairing concerns with examples + solutions).
The manager commits to interrupting group dynamics that might minimize contributions.
Both the manager and the employee have a concrete way to track progress.
Trust is built instead of eroded.

This is the difference between feedback that shuts someone down and relational feedback that fosters growth.

Why This Matters

Feedback isn’t just about performance—it’s about relationships. It signals whether people are seen, valued, and supported. Vague or biased feedback keeps inequities alive, weakens morale, and stifles creativity. Clear, relational feedback builds stronger leaders, stronger teams, and healthier organizations.

So, When giving feedback, ask yourself:

✔️ Is it clear?

✔️ Is it actionable?

✔️ Is it growth-fostering?

Choose feedback that affirms and develops. That is what relational leadership rooted in equity looks like.